Response to an email

I want to share another response that I gave, but I have to keep this private as the writer did not publicly write any of this. I will give basic background. The woman and kids recently moved in with B/f. The B/f is hiding his porn addiction.

Hi ... Thanks for writing. I know that I don't update my blog a lot (it's hard to find time for the last while), but feel free to write anytime. I will respond to you. I see where you're coming from, and let me tell you that you are not the only one in this situation. This situation, with varying details, is very common. The woman finds out what her boyfriend/husband is doing; the woman doesn't want to say anything, and the man becomes defensive and closed off. I can't tell you what will and won't work between you and your boyfriend, but I would advise getting it out in the open. I know that your afraid for the relationship, and I'll be the first to admit that the relationship could end as a final result; however, it may not. One thing is for sure, you need to look out for yourself, and more importantly your children. You owe it to everyone involved to bring this out in the open (not open to your kids) if he will not. Unfortunately in this situation the women almost always feel hurt and weak and vulnerable, but sometimes they need to be the strong one for a while to get the ball rolling. If and when you decide to talk to him I can promise you that he'll get defensive and will probably say a lot of things you don't want to hear. The fact is, he'll get defensive because he has a problem and somewhere in there he knows it; however, you can't make him deal with it if he doesn't want to. If he wants to choose you and your relationship over his addiction then he will deal with it. It may not be much at first. He will probably fail over and over and over, but just because he fails does not mean he's not trying. You will have to learn to discern whether or not he is actually trying and not let him give up. If you ever feel that he has completely chosen pornography over you then you have to leave. You can't put your family through that. I would also advise not getting married to him until at very least you know that he is trying, making progress, and will keep at it. Until then stay strong, and feel free to write me with any other comments, concerns, worries, or even good news! :)

Normally I wouldn't go straight for the advise of leaving, but in this situation there are children; I assume that they are not from the B/f as they have only been together for a number of months, and there isn't a marriage involved.